Phoebe Snow: Another Great One Has Left Us...

 What a life she led with all her trials and tribulations!

 

Phoebe Snow was indeed one of the most soulful and unique talents of our time and she has joined that celestial pantheon of remarkable vocalists.  She now belongs to the ages and what a musical legacy she left us.  I hope and trust her transition was a smooth one and she is now with her daughter whom she loved and nurtured for many years against all odds.  Blessings Phoebe.

An Analysis Of Forgiveness: Can It Be Done?

 

I viewed the PBS program on forgiveness this past Sunday and I must say that it touched on a subject that I've wrestled with for many years.  What is "FORGIVENESS"? There is a trailer above submitted for your viewing...for those who hadn't the opportunity to see the program.  Religious leaders and followers have a concept of it that  in my humble opinion, requires that the victim take on the enormous burden of  letting go of  the transgression and embracing the offender with love and charity.  There are others who say that you forgive so that you can move on and it doesn't mean that you again become a part of the toxic element that caused the trauma.  It just relieves the psychic trauma that permeates all aspects of their life and continually challenges their humanity when interacting with other members of society.


The vignettes presented of some of these devastating events were powerful and many of them are well known to the public. The analysis of subsequent issues that make it difficult to forgive, i.e., hate, anger and vengeance had a different relevancy to each circumstance.

For example, the former South African Apartheid official who had tortured and killed many of the native born Africans was showcased.  He had indicated a change of heart which he attributed to a religious conversion and went to the home of one of his victims to ask for forgiveness many years later.  What is also so egregious about this man is that he continued to harass the family knowing that he had killed their son.  There was one family member who could not tolerate the fact that he had for some-- the gall and for others-- the spirit of atonement to enter their home.  The result was an attack on this man.  What I remember the most were the eyes of the former apartheid enforcer as blood dripped down his face.  It was a startled look to be sure and one of actually realizing what he had done without the comfort he had probably gotten used to by others who encouraged this move. Remember those Truth and Reconciliation hearings?  There are those who will be especially hard on the family member for the act and those who will feel sorry for the one who atoned and was harmed as a result of his actions.  

The Amish tragedy was another example of the power of forgiveness subsequent to an unspeakable murderous act towards the children of their community.  Ten of them were shot and 5 died along with the gunman.  The Amish religious tenets were examined and their behavior towards the family of the gunman as an example of how they not only taught the concept of forgiveness but their behavior reflects how deeply they believe in it.  I couldn't quite forget the ending when they were bulldozing the school house where the killings took place and one child had indicated that they may remove the school but the memory would remain.  The narrator cited that he was told by another child to be quiet for they must forgive and forget. (my interpretation)

It would be interesting to hear how others feel about this.  I would appreciate your comments.   In fact, my compassion though limited and ambivalent was for the former apartheid enforcer but more so for the family member who retaliated.   I felt his trauma and pain as well.  I could not muster any forgiveness for the gunman who attacked the Amish children as he chose not to answer to anyone at least in this reality.  Many would argue that it doesn't matter whether or not society forgives him.  It only matters for the Amish community and they chose to do so.   For the believers the final judgment has been sealed for him.

The question for me-- in most of these circumstances was how does one behave or feel when evil morphs into an act of atonement.  Do we trust it?  Hmmm.....  


Links:

 Forgiveness: UnityOf Spirit
Forgiveness: Mayo Clinic

Bone Marrow Donor Crisis With A Face On It.............

I've re-posted this article on Seun Adebiyi subsequent to reading an update on his facebook page.  He has used this forum to advise supporters and those who care about  his progress as he continues to cope with the possibility of a relapse and guarded optimism for a cure.  He has also been an advocate for the Bone Marrow Transplant Donor Program.  There is a shortage of donors especially within minority communities.  I've provided a link to one  organization's effort to get more people of color interested in donorship for the various transplant programs across the nation.   Two of his entries on April 12th are included as he addresses how difficult the concept of remission is given the death recently of Mandi Schwartz, a well known athlete who lost her battle with leukemia after a cord blood transplant.

#leukemia #bonemarrow:: Compared to the sport of #skeleton, believe it or not, living in #remission is ten times scarier. But I’m learning to roll with the punches. I chose skeleton to build up my courage. I have a feeling that a lot of courage is going to be needed in the road ahead.

#leukemia #bonemarrow:: As #Mandi’s death has reminded me, a #cordblood #transplant is no guarantee of a cure. None of us knows how much time we have left on this Earth. Now I finally see that it's a miracle to be alive.

 I recently viewed a video on Seun Adebiyi posted January, 2010 on The Grio website and thought how extraordinary this young man's life had been thus far.  He was described as a scholar, recipient of a pilot's license and athlete with a number of other accolades bestowed.  Mr. Adebiyi lamented with all his accomplishments...his fight against leukemia and need for a bone marrow transplant overshadows them. The latter could save his life.  Cancer victim sheds light on bone marrow donor crisis.

It was a period of reflection for me as a social worker on the Bone Marrow Transplant Team at an area hospital in the late 80's and realizing...things hadn't changed that much.  It was difficult getting people of color to sign up for the Donor Marrow Transplant Program and I understood their reluctance. There is a history of and also recent disproportionate  incidents in this country of medical negligence, experimentation and apathy towards those of color and mistrust of the system is one of the consequences. I can remember treatment team meetings and the various medical disciplines discussing the suitability of patients for bone marrow transplantation.  It was alarming to me that there was this attitude that people of color would not be compliant with treatment guidelines and care which would have an impact on the mortality stats. It was my role to develop a psychosocial approach to helping the patient and counseling family members with this last ditch effort to save their loved one.  I found myself also advocating and dispelling some of those assumptions about how compliant people of color would be with care.
Make no mistake this was a grueling, frightening and anxiety-ridden process-- not only for the patient but the family. This dreaded fact had a cautionary impact that crossed all  racial and socioeconomic lines.  At the time, mortality rates for bone marrow transplant patients were high and with that in mind; those who were approved for the treatment protocol had to meet strict screening requirements. Recent research would indicate that bone marrow transplantation has improved as a treatment option for those stricken with cancer, certain types of anemia and severe immunodeficiency disease. It remains a daunting process, however, I know of those who've survived  and have done well over the years as a result of it.

This image of Mr. Adebiyi was posted on his facebook page and he cites a successful 6 months thus far and is optimistic about his future.  There are safeguards for those who are fearful of donating bone marrow and things you can do to diminish your suspicions and fears.  Take notes, bring along folks who can help you pose questions. There are stories of successful transplant survivors out there and donors who've not suffered any ill effects from the procedure.  Please do  the research.  We are losing young people as well as adults who may have a fighting chance with this procedure.  Please sign up and remember this face which is one of thousands who could benefit from bone marrow transplantation.  There are  appeals and information for potential minority bone marrow donors at  http://www.DKMSAmericas.org.

Link:
http://www.marrow.org/DONOR/When_You_re_Asked_to_Donate_fo/Donation_FAQs/index.html